Oor Cody and What I Have Learnt about Parenting and Stuff Like That

4 weeks and one day ago, one whole month considering that month was February (plsus a day) after I bemoaned the fact that my baby seemed not to want to make an appearance and simply wished to stay in his mums belly a bit longer, I decide to write this in the time I have between now and Cody, which is the name we gave our son, waking up for his night feed. My wee boy Cody was born on the Sunday afternoon, the day after I wrote that last entry. What a day that was, what an experience it has been.

having been up since 2am I was starting to look a bit tired
having been up since 2am I was starting to look a bit tired

Yes, I am now a dad, and this is a big night as this is the first time I am flying solo in the baby looking after stakes as my wife has went out for dinner. I have the PJ’s set out, along with all the other stuff I am told i will need. Fair to say i am shiting it. So I decided to try pass some time till his mum comes back, as he lies sleeping in his swing like a ticking timebomb ready to go off at any point and start screaming for something by giving my, (disclaimer: views are both pathetic and probably factually wrong) view on a few things that have stood out in the last month.

Labour

Labour wasnt nearly as traumatic as i thought it would have been, it also is nothing like what i have seen on TV and in films, there was very little (if any) lying on beds, and no doctor or midwife checked and told you how dialated you were before leaving you to watch tv and eat grapes and such. Its all very intense but totally hands on from the midwives who i thought were all bloody great. But thats at the hospital, before we even got there was quite an experience. for about four hours we were the baths, on the couch, in the hall, in the kitchen, on the phone, back in the bath. I watched a fair amount of tv in this time, Stewart Lee live at the stand from about 6 years ago, was quite good. Also Cheers comes on itv4 quite early on a Sunday, i enjoyed an episode and a half of that, love Cheers so i do, it took an hour to get from the moment the phone call to the maternity unit said we should come out to us actually getting out (a five minute drive) due to the unexpected struggle to get socks and jeans onto a pregnant woman in labour. Such things you dont really think about and certainly dont get told in the anti natal classes.

Anyway, when it comes labour, and i mean labour labour we were in the pool which was actually great. I used the edge of the pool from my position behind Natalie on a seat

outside to obscure my view of what was going on in the water, i could see the other side and natalies head but couldnt see the water down below. Natalie’s way of describing it has been a “scene from Jaws” bearing that in mind i feel my decision to choose what i could or couldnt see seems justified. If i needed to stand up, or say leave the room to go to the bathroom when i was given permission (its a long time not to go for a pee) i tried to stand up and take a step back at the same time thus keeping the same view of the pool. Of course it wasnt foolproof and i did see some things that i wish i didnt but the ability of the human brain to instantly assess and delete such images or simply lock them away in some deep dark recess of the memory has astounded me. Well chuffed with that, I had feared mental scarring for most of the 9 months prior, as well as about ten years before that. Full thing was a happy exerperience in the cabable hands of professionals.

Oh and i tried “gas and air”, it was crap.

Object in the rear view mirror may seen like their jacket doesnt fit
Object in the rear view mirror may seem like their jacket doesnt fit

Bibs

Now I’m not in any position to hand out parenting advice what with Cody a month old but if I was in a position to do so and any expectant mums or dads, or recently married couples planning families or even reckless youths having weans unexpected are reading this, I would advise to buy in excess of 1000 bibs and put them in every room in every drawer on every flat surface and every wee nook n cranny in your house. We have what we thought was plenty, but its not enough. Black bin bags full of them everywhere is plenty, having 40 under the couch just in case is plenty, being ale to lay your hand on one regardless of where you are in your house is plenty a wee drawer upstairs and a couple in the changing bag and box (maybe 30 in total) is not, we will be buying more but please take heed future mums and dads, for me, this shit is important.

Newest Killie fan
Newest Killie fan

Colic

Colic is a strange thing, noone can really tell you what it is, and to be honest my knowledge of the subject was the passing statement of people i wasnt ever really paying full attention to saying something about a baby being a colicy baby. I think, (bearing in mind we think (thats think) that Cody has colic)  that its something to do with wind and finding farting sore but really its still a bit of a mystery. Apparently they grow out of it after about six months, I am taking this as the gospel truth and count down the days of the next five months and rue the fact that not all months are the same length as February. There is a bottle brand called Dr Browns who specialise in bottles for colicy babies. Dont know how that works though, the bottles look complicated.

Bottles

Talking of bottles, we are using Avent ones made by Phillips of all people. I just thought they made tellys and hifis but aparently they are now in the lucrative business of babies. Smart move, there isnt a lot of competition, not like telly, so plenty of opportunities to make dosh. Dont know exactly how this affects dutch fitba team PSV Eindhoven mind you as their name means Phillips Sound and Vision which may well change since they are taking their business in a different route. Phillips bottles and steralisers? PBS Eindhoven maybe? I think i might get Cody a strip.

Taking his Photo

I like most people have a camera on my phone. I now exclusively use this to take photos of my child. Thats a lot of photos of someone who doesnt really get out the house much and visit different places. To combat this i take them in both colour and black and white to give the impression of diversity.

More Robust Than You Would Think.

Its all about dressing your kids properly
Its all about dressing your kids properly

My headings are getting a bit more descriptive and and as such the explanation seems pointless. This one is just such a self explanatory effort. Turns out wee babies while hot potatoes you are feart you snap with your bare hands when they are other peoples are actually fairly robust wee units when they are your own. there isnt a big time gap between being handed him not long after being delivered and being able to move him from arm to arm and up over your shoulder or even the weird choking out motion of holding his body straight to get a wee bit o wind up during feeding.

Pushing Prams

I am right into this, I push the pram everywhere, earphones in and stomp about for a fair bit, the wean loves it, all the bumping about and is sleeping pretty much instantly and i get a bit of exercise and the chance to catch up on podcasts and that. Win Win.

Paternity Leave

Is truely bizarre and I was glad to be back at work. Its so fake. Every activity was all hands to the pump, like a nappy change for instance would see us both running around barking orders at each other about who is doing what, feeding was a military operation and the notion of heading out had to be planned days in advance. Better me back at work and real life can resume.

Tasting the Milk

Only the formula stuff, not breast milk, couldnt bring myself to do that. Though in hindsight, it surely couldnt be any worse than formula which is like ready brek made from cabbage.

And thats about it, wish i had ended on a more interesting thought though. Its been a strange old month. I have enjoyed it. We have enjoyed it actually, the three of us. Well I think Cody has enjoyed it. I dont really know.

Look at that wee face
Look at that wee face

Wait, I just asked him there, he didnt cry, i am taking that as a yes he has enjoyed it. I am happy with that, feel like a success as a parent now. Well, Natalie wont be long now, I will just press publish and see whats on the telly.

Cheers.

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