Poundland, The Bluetones on Cassette Tape and Tarmac at the Darvel Music Festival

At ABC Glasgow, 2011
Cheap DVD artwork at its finest

On Facebook the other week, fellow Scottish Comedy scene open spotter Joe McKeown (though in truth he is far more prolific than me gig wise and actually has himself a corner of a Glasgow Comedy Festival show next March, hiy, you should check it out) posted a picture of a DVD of some shite looking film starring Andrew Dice Clay and Teri Hatcher which was on sale for one pound in, well Poundland of all places. I was in that shop this week, my wife’s Christmas present won’t buy itself after all, and I spotted a few copies of it in amongst, what is now, a quite big CD and DVD selection. Their “Replay” range as the stickers on each item say, which I think means they are all second hand but rewrapped in the fiddly plastic stuff. It might be the stuff that websites like music magpie and that get sent by folk clearing out their collections cos they are all iTunes and Netflix now and this is how they are resold. I don’t know. But the Dice Clay DVD was there in multiple copies, I picked it up had a wee read at the back of it, but didn’t buy it, not even for a pound.

wpid-screenshot_2014-12-22-12-22-02.pngI did make a purchase however, the Bluetones “Return to the Last Chance Saloon” on CD. Going back to Facebook again, a few months ago, September actually, there was a wee fad where people were listing their top ten albums that meant the most to you or favourite or best in your own opinion or whatever the criteria was, I can’t quite remember. I done mine, but I made my list up from albums which have found themselves in my car stereo the most.  Standing in the queue with my pound coin in my hand it dawned on me that this album I’m about to buy should probably have been on my list. I have posted a screenshot here for posterity, 4 likes doesn’t say much for it I have to admit. Still pretty happy with it. Auto correct altered Shotters to Snotters at number 7 because I don’t think Shotters is a word it knows but then neither I wouldn’t think would Snotters be a word it knew so I must have taught it.

Bluetones there, bottom left in amngst the great and the good; KLF, Kulashaker and Oasis both taped off the radio and er, Spin Doctors

Madonna’s Immaculate Collection probably shouldn’t be there as it’s a greatest hits rather than a studio album so that could be the one to take out, or I could just make it a list of 11, who really gives a fuck? As I said, I had decided to go with albums that regularly got taken back into my car over the years and that qualifies from when I got my wee green Polo which didn’t initially have a CD player so I dug out all the old tapes that I still had one of which was this Bluetones album, plus a New Kids on the Block one that we found in a box of old stuff that had been left in our house when we moved in, and played it a lot.

I got it in a bargain bucket at Fopp years and years ago before it was closed down, before it was HMV under another name even. In fact, it might not have been in a bucket, it might have been at the till in a “get this for 2 quid if you spend 5 quid or more” type of deal. Upselling is that? It has what I consider the most perfect pop song ever on it, which is “If”. It also has the theme tune to the old TV show Teachers which had Rick from Walking Dead in it and a really chirpy one near the end called Down by the Reservoir. It’s a good album, I like it.

Hiding the offensive tache

I have seen them live a few times, The Bluetones, I got tickets for their final tour (for the time being) for my 30th at ABC in Glasgow so I took my wife since no one else was that bothered really. It was a nice night, we went for a wee a meal at Karma Sutra Indian restaurant beforehand, a groupon deal most likely, and I had garlic chilli chicken curry which would have burnt the face off you. It led to a rather uncomfortable night stomach wise as I’m not as good at eating really hot things as I think, great band live I think but when your belly is groaning from being attacked by an internal fireball and your mind is racing as to whether you are going to shite yourself its harder to enjoy. I also never shaved beforehand thinking it would be fine but there are photos taken and I have a shite looking tache.


The other time I seen them was in Darvel town hall of all places at their (Darvel’s) annual music festival. Never would I have thought it would get a band that we would have known and had been on Top of the Pops and had music videos on MTV and everything to play, but they did. We were in quite early, and saw a Belgian electro type band called Lorraine (I think) who were great but haven’t heard anything about them since. I remember speaking to some people on the night and there was fellas there all the way from Dundee to see The Bluetones, in Darvel. Fucking Dundee to fucking Darvel. Bizarre. Well it might not be that bizarre, but at the time it was. To me anyway.

Nice tanktop
Nice tanktop

But I guess all it takes (bear in mind I haven’t a clue what I am talking about when reading this sentence) is a local music promoter to get some decent contacts and all sorts of great things can happen I suppose, so maybe this was just one of those times. The festival, from memory, was sponsored by a tarmac company who had a poster up, so I guess Mark Morriss and the boys were up here on the back of road surfacing dollar. About them, Darvel town hall isn’t particularly big, it wasn’t a high stage and rock steady security at a minimum. You could get ridiculously close to them. The gig was really good and I got a t-shirt. Which I lost in my mum’s house somewhere. Or maybe I left it in Canada when I lived there, I’m not sure.

What’s definitely not in Canada is my good grey hoodie which has disappeared off the face of the earth after me leaving it hung over the pram that sits under the stairs in my house, but I suppose now’s not the time to start moaning about that.